1st Test - Day 3

Day 3 – Ashes

Is anyone watching anymore???


With England’s gay cousin, Wales, turning on another blistering summer’s day the Australian spectators turned out in droves in their parkers, thermals and Dryza-bones to watch another display of awesome spin bowling by Swann and Panesar…allegedly these are the two bowlers expounded by the English media as being able to annihilate the Australian batting line up!?! Unfortunately, these poor souls left extremely disappointed and only got to see their side humiliate a team that most pundits (read: Botham) said would decimate an under-done, Warne/McGrath/Hayden/Gilchrist-less Aussie lineup.

I must say it was good to see and hear the crowd come to life every time Freddie came on to bowl though, however one’s not sure whether he’s carrying an injury or he’s just another overweight English bowler struggling for fitness. (Where’s Harmie???) Your Ashes blogger has seen 105 year old green turtles move across the sand faster than Freddie chasing one down to leg.

For those folks living in Asia watching Star Cricket, I just want to apologise on behalf of this channel. I’ve not heard anything as bad as this since listening to that little piston, Gavaskar, launch verbal assault after verbal assault towards anything or anyone that didn’t wear the Indian flag upon its breast. I mean, for God’s sake, be neutral guys!!! Hussein, Botham, Gower and Bumble may just be the most boring set of old geezers I’ve ever heard in the commentary box in my life. I’d rather listen to Hitler, Goebels and Himler discuss the temperature of beer in the trenches than this motley crew of aging has-beens. If I have to hear the city of Worcester and the pre-Ashes game played there mentioned one more bloody time I’m gonna vomit in my nicely brewed pint of English Cafferey’s (Irish?). Have these idiots done no due diligence or background analysis on these players??? And comments from Beefy like: “sometimes the ball just doesn’t spin”. Well…I just don’t know what to say?!?!

Question: is Nasser Hussein channeling Dracula? Throw a cape over him and I’d swear he could pull off Vincent Price.

Halfway through this pulsating and scintillating bowling display I retired to the drawing room for a dram of port. With the volume turned up I listened in to the commentary…
Panesar bowls to Ponting who turns the ball off his pads to Bopara in deep square leg. As Strauss appeals for LBW Bopara shy’s at the stump, which is backed up beautifully by Pietersen.
I couldn’t help but feel that I was listening to Australia vs. World XI and not England. Thank God Ramprakash, Shah, Mascarenhas and Khan weren’t playing…I’d be totally lost. Maybe the ECB selectors have Arsene Wenger on their selection committee???

Doctrove finally got one right today…Katich plumb in front from a beauty bowled by alleged Englishman, Anderson. Doctrove needed to make amends for his disastrous call the previous day when (Soth Ifrican/Englishman) Pietersen played around, over and through a straight one on middle and leg. I’m sure Billy was a little embarrassed with himself when he watched the play-back that night in his hotel room with a racehorse of Jamaica’s finest and 10 year old whiskey with good friend Holding…which I’m sure he forgot about when said racehorse was smoked.

England may just be saved from utter humiliation in this 1st test by the onset of forecasted rain. With hints of unsettled weather coming in and tomorrow’s forecast of squalls the English players can sit in the sheds and ponder the lint in their navels whilst the Aussie batsmen can have a Symonds’-like beer or two and think of bigger and better things for the 2nd Test.

Your Ashes blogger will no doubt hope for continued play in this (“snore”) Test, however his liver and pancreas are not functioning as it should given the time difference in the Far East lends itself to “beer-o’clock” and pratha’s. Mmmmmmmmmmm…pratha!