Long live the King!!!
Yes, media reports have been abound that Queen Kev has been afflicted by the dreaded pox and will be unable to ponce about and do nothing in the field (as is his want). Blackadder Strauss stated that the Queen's infectious persona will be sadly missed but the team are looking forward to his oozing charm in the sheds after he's removed from the drip. Blackadder added that there was enough disease going around as it is, what with SARS, Swine Flu, Dengue, Spanish flu, Black Plague et al, thanks to England's liberal, transitory immigration policy. Go England!
Speaking of long English ancestry's, Bopara's lineage, which dates back to the 70's (1970's), is on the line this week. 'The Raj' hasn't performed too well this Ashes series and now with Queen Kev riddled with the unmentionable he needs to pull up his kurta, adjust his sandles and start getting a few curries on the board (Get it? Curries? Runs....no??? Come on people, work with me here!!!)
Ian 'The Sherminator" Bell is back in the fold for this Test after he found out that Lord Warne won't be playing and therefore he wouldn't have to cry on international telly again. Since his fall from grace after being absolutely humiliated in Australia with the rest of his team in 2007, The Sherminator is full of positive thinking now (as he tells everyone), not to mention full of peroxide highlights in his straw-like hair. Me thinks the pressure will still be too great for the little one and he'll crumble under a hail of Siddle.
'The Prince' Johnson and 'The Kitten' Hughes also have much to prove to the Australian selectors this Test having not performed AT ALL in the first two Tests. Never have two players gotten off to more of a poor start since Gatting and Atherton tried to bat against The Lord in 1993. These two kids really need to stop suckling from their Mothers teat, take off the bibs and get down to business. This is big boy cricket now and they need to perform or the selectors will bring back Justin Langer, who has come out recently and said he wants to play for Australia again, and Trevor Chappell, who said he knows how to deal with the non-bounce of the Edgbaston pitch.
So here we are brothers...on the eve of the 3rd Test. A must win for Australia or a nail in the Ozzie coffin on behalf of the Poms. Which will it be?
Stay tuned and enjoy the telecast. I know I will be. I will be wearing my Axe deodorant, eating my Cadbury's chocolate after getting off my Yamaha motorbike and slamming down an LMN lemon drink. (those watching the India broadcast will know what I mean) :)
Here in England it has been absolutely pissing it down - all day. The pitch likely to be very slow which should suit the draw, not taking pace and with rain likely during the five days.
ReplyDeleteDriving around wet England it is hard on the campers and caravners - reminded me of the fate of that Gypsy Gillepse on the tour and thought that Jonners might be next to join him on the slow road home. Lots of talk about improvement; maybe 1 for 100 odd off 17 against Northants was an improvement over performance at Lords.
As for Ding Dong Bell, hes playing at his home ground and much is expected. An average of 40 in Tests is not bad though and Engalnd should not be concerned. Not as much of a concern as Hughes, dismissed twice by a Northants second string bowler.
So its all systems go. Lets not forget the epic at Edgbaston in 2005 and the performance of a certain Freddie. A Nation expects... again.
Richard you write very eloquently (You are CLEARLY not australian), a pleasure reading your well crafted comments. If i may paraphrase however............
ReplyDeleteAustralia are crap. It will piss down for 90% of the next 5 days. We will be 1-0 up with 2 to play and Australia will need to win 2 out of 2 to WIN the Ashes.
Or just 1 to retain :)
ReplyDeleteAnd there's the English fans again praying for rain for a draw. Unbelievable you lot!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you are already talking about 'retaining' !!
ReplyDeleteDon't you want to actually WIN it ???
And i thought we were the ones being given stick for celebrating a draw !