2nd Test - Day 2

Turning on the idiot box to watch the day's Test cricket your Director was instead 'entertained' by a session of keystone cops-like comedy instead. England decided again to make no runs early doors and lose cheap wickets instead of vice versa; the tail wagged harder than a Jack Russell's on speed; and the umpiring was again called into question with a woeful decision by Jaapie Koertzen. Thank God for the English summer...both sides took the opportunity to regroup, have a laugh and wonder 'what if'.

Your Director would like to acknowledge a fine dig by Blackadder, who plundered the Ozzie bowlers (not today). In hindsight though making only 225 runs for 9 wickets is fairly pathetic after having put on 196 for the opening stand. Blackadder will no doubt still be seething with the capitulation of his middle order although "Baldrick" Onions and "Pamela" Anderson managed to step back, across, scratch around and thrash a bat around to get a handy 40 odd.

Back to all these appalling decisions being made by the umpires of late. Is it a case that these elderly umpires are just too senile, blind, deaf or dumb to be missing such obvious decisions in crucial games or is it that they just don't want to be out in the middle for a whole 5 days?!? The Ashes is perhaps the greatest rivalry of two countries/teams in the world and to have umpires the likes of Jaapie and "Splifter" Doctrove officiating is unfair to both teams. Why isn't the ICC's No.1 umpire, Simon Taufel, or Billy Bowden umpiring??? Surely they're professional enough to be unbiased. This is the calibre of umpire the game needs...young, knowledgable, fit and with 20:20 vision. This Ashes series deserve it! Nay, WE deserve it!


Poor Phillip "Kitten" Hughes has had no luck whatsoever on this tour. Having so far only batted twice he is a long way from being anywhere near where he was during the Ozzie summer and his stint in County. The occasion has clearly gotten the better of him and he's no doubt wishing GBH was bowling against him as he always knew where Harm was going to pitch and aim the ball (read: at his head).


Your Director still thinks the English bowling attack is lacking something.....ummmmm, yes, masculinity!?! Even though the Ozzie batters have all thrown away their wickets today (except Hussey's - brilliant from Freddie) it still appears that with man-child "Choirboy" Broad, who looks like he would be more comfortable wearing a tutu rather than cricket whites, Pamela, who is really a better batsman than a bowler, and Baldrick, who's run up is probably 2/3rd's more than it should be, the English attack seems more like a Sunday knitting circle than an actual 'attack'. I know the Ozzie wickets fell but no one really steams in per se with their ears pinned back and nostrils flaring. They more prance than steam with their little white faces and rosy pink cheeks glowing under the grey English sun. Thank God for Freddie "The Quitter" Flintoff playing in this Test or there'd be not a drop of testosterone in the English team when they take to the field. My Chihuahua has more balls than the English bowling line up and she's a bitch!

And speaking of having no balls...The Queen attended today's play only to see the 'Queen' leave the field to re-apply his makeup. Good thing too. It gave Englands 23rd man a run in the field. What's with that anyway? Does England have a squad of 45 players to choose from??? For God's sake, stick to the rules and play with 12 men as the law stipulates! It's just pathetic...

So on to a new day and if you're Australian and reading this, what a bumper sports day in store. The 1st game of the Bledisloe Cup begins 3 hours before the 3rd day's play. And if you're an AFL supporter you have the mighty Hawks playing Collingwood in a belter at the 'G'. Go you Hawkies.

Enjoy mortals.