5th Test - Preview

As the illegal bookies circle like vultures over the Ozzie camp, the lead up to the final Ashes Test of this campaign has really begun to heat up.

Warney has been waxing lyrical of late in the print media about how he'd like cricket to change permanently by allowing HIM and only him to make all future plans in relation to Limited Overs cricket, the IPL and Test matches...as long as they are scheduled around his Poker tourney's, tanning and teeth whitening sessions and pub crawls. Someone should tell Warney that only people with lots and lots of money have the power to do that. Not some overweight sports legend with a penchant for Bundy and cokes, durries and slutty, middle-aged gusset munchers from Essex.

This last week has been awash with drawing room chatter surrounding the selection crisis at the ECB and their decision on which non-English player to select over the other. It looks as if Bopara has not curried any favour at all with his lack of 'the runs' and has been shown the back door like a 1am Vindaloo. Former South African/Zimbabwean/Tanzanian/Icelandic/Belgian Trott has been fancied to prop up an ailing middle order should 'Dinger' Bell choke in the teens again and spill tears on a dry, turning Oval wicket.

Could the skull-capped Monty come to the fore and provide the spice England so crave? Or are the selectors going to stick with the Onions? Man-child Broad could see himself put on the back-burner for this most crucial of all Ashes Tests in modern history if England decide to go with two spinners. I wouldn't like to be picking this team in case of the dire fallout so many have already predicted comes true.

Australia, too, are facing a selection predicament. Do they drop the in-form Clark for the in-form Hauritz? Or do they keep the four in-form quicks and rely on the in-form spinning talents of in-form Clarke, North and bit time, in-form Katich? Hard one to pick here as they are all, you guessed it, ... in form! My bet is they'll go with what the wicket is telling them and drop Clark for Hauritz. A huge call given Clark's match-winning feats at Headingley seeing England crumble to 102 all out.

Brett Lee has pretty much sealed his fate as a Twenty20 and Limited Overs exponent. Having sat out the 1st four Tests of this series his future as an Australian test player has been regrettably sealed and effectively written off like an Obama Healthcare plan. Time for old Binga to hang up his boots retire to the land of Bollywood, play some IPL for a couple million dollars a year and strum his geetar. Well played mate!

So mortals it comes down to this. Five days or 30 hours or 15 sessions or 450 overs of pure, unadulterated, slap my Mamma, in-your-face, teeth rattling, throat numbing, sphincter puckering, eye bulging madness at The Oval (of course, barring the non-summery English summer). Who will land the biggest prize in all of the Lands?

We'll just have to wait and see. Good luck to all.......especially to Australia coz I love them so very much (wink, wink. call me) :)